Harry and the Infamous Amount of Random Babblings
by Nikole Kaylns
Summary: This is the very scary product of me, my friend, six bottles of cream soda, and the idea of Harry Potter and Monty Python COMBINED! What could be better?
1. The Madness is Unleashed. Monty Python.....

A/N: Hello all you happy people out there. Well, this is a combined fic between me and two of my friends, who are NOT currently authors here, but if they do not become them soon, I will injure some one. Period. Ahhh. Now that I've got that out, I'd like to beforehand apologize for what you are about to read. Please, trust me. This "story" is highly affected by cold pizza and WAY TOO MUCH cream soda (DP for Amy). And this is also a Monty Python crossover. So if you don't like it…NI!  
  
Disclaimer: All we write in the font below is solely property of the magnificent JK Rowling. Honestly, though, if she knew what we were about to do to these poor characters, she'd sue…but that's just sugar-rush me.  
  
  
  
It was a lovely day outside. One of those overly clichéd ones where the sun is shining and the sky is blue, and it hasn't rained in forever, but the grass is green and the flowers are pretty. All in all, it was a pretty nice day to be outside. Over the hills, the young fifth years by the names of Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley came "galloping." Behind them, young Colin and Dennis Creevy, the HP fan club, are clapping together to miniature cauldrons (obviously defects rejected by Percy at the Ministry). The three ''riders'' paused momentarily, glancing around at their surroundings, the Creevys quietly continued the *clip-clop*clip-clop* as Hermione motioned to Harry and Ron.  
  
"Dismount." She called. They swung their legs over a bunch of nothing and stood firmly on the ground, minus Harry, who was a bit sloppy with dismounts. And mounts. Hermione seemed to think it quite funny, seeing him sprawled out on the ground, and began to giggle.  
  
A small child ran through the remote mountain village, chasing a bumblebee. After seeing the youth stung by his quarry, the old man reflected upon his life as a member on the fringes of the social life of the clan. He wondered- was he the bee, or the child? But that's completely irrelevant to the actual story, and considering the TRUE author has chewed through the ropes tying her down to the chair- perhaps we better get on to good ol' Harry, Ron, and Hermione, shall we?  
  
"Need a lift up Harry?" Ron asked, as he leaned over his fallen comrade.  
  
"Why again, do we dismount?" Harry asked as he stood up and brushed himself off.  
  
"Dramatic effect." Hermione waved his question off with a simple answer, barely a sentence.  
  
"It is quite lovely outside today, don't you think?" Ron randomly commented.  
  
"It is, isn't it? But don't you suppose we should be getting back to Hogwarts?" Hermione's usual worried tone was creeping back…interrupting their glorious day of fun.  
  
"Alright then. If Queen Hermione says so…I suppose. Back to Honeydukes. Shouldn't be too hard to sneak back. Long as we've a diversion of some sort." Ron glanced sideways at Harry. "Mr. Boy-Who-Lived, do you suppose we could have a few autographs?" Ron punched Harry in the shoulder teasingly.  
  
The old man sighed and placed his quill down. If only I was young again; I might be able to go with the tribe to The Great Water over the summer. The warm, salty sea air always gave a spring to his step where usually there was a painful limp. The tribe had seen better days. In the days before the dreaded coming of She-Who-Carries-a-Big-Ugly-Purse, there had been enough food for the entire clan, but now many had to go hungry. At least an old man nearly finished with his Walk in this Time didn't require much to go on. Others, like that young lad who had just gained a new respect for bees, were getting accustomed to malnourishment. He lazily watched the now infamous bee and contemplated a nap.  
  
  
  
"Fine. I'm the human diversion this time. I can live."  
  
***  
  
Harry blindfolded Colin and Dennis. They knew the deal, and accepted it. Harry and company would escort the two Creevy brothers outside of Hogwarts grounds on one condition: coming and going, they would be led blindfolded. They gladly agreed. Anything for Harry, of course.  
  
***  
  
Harry began sniggering. Ron began sniggering. Hermione began sniggering. Greg and Forge burst out laughing. Dennis stood in the middle of the common room, extremely confused. A bemused expression crossed Ginny's face, as her game of Wizards' chess with Neville was momentarily interrupted. Neville began laughing for the sake of laughing, as we all know he had no idea what was going on. Of course he didn't know that none of them knew.  
  
"Why are you all laughing?" Lee Jordan asked, who had just entered the room.  
  
Neville looked at Ginny. Ginny looked at her older twin brothers, who, in attempt to appear "innocent," pointed at Hermione. Hermione, good reputation at stake, turned to Ron with a "serious" look on her face. Ron, in turn, glanced at Harry. Soon EVERYONE was looking at Harry.  
  
"I dunno." He shrugged. "Just felt like having a laugh."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
A/N: Well, that was pretty screwy, huh? Hope you enjoyed it…especially the random "deep thoughts" of the old man, the boy, and the bee. More serious stuff soon. Ta. 


	2. My apologies. Forgive us, we beg of you....

The Method Behind the Madness:  
  
Well, that was a mess, wasn't it? Myself and my very good friend Susan, who was spending the night, together downed six bottles of Cream Soda, and that was the…er…interesting result. At various points in the story, as you've probably realized by now, Susan would throw me off the chair and begin babbling about the old man and the bumblebee. Please forgive us. We apologize profusely. :)  
  
Nikole Kaylns and Susan She-Who-Is-FanFiction.net-Accountless 


	3. Will the Madness Never Stop? Not as long...

A/N: After the first set of *** a lot of words will be totally misspelled.it was meant to be like that.It's in "old tyme language" and don't ask me, ask Susan. That was her blurb.  
  
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter. JK Rowling does. But if she doesn't get The Order of the Phoenix out soon, I'm going to take him away from her.But I don't own the bit about the old man and that friggin bumble-bee. That's Susan. And PrincessGoneBad.her stuff is her stuff.I'm not gonna go there.  
  
The Attack of the Clichés.  
  
The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was an overly clichéd sort of day. In fact, it was a Mary-Sue sort of day, which is quite scary if you'd take a moment to think about it.done? Good. I was beginning to worry.Well as I was rambling.it was a lovely day. The wind was absent, which can sometimes add to a lovely day, and sometimes will not. In this case, it added (please work with me.it's late).  
  
The magnificent silhouette that was truly Harry Potter appeared on the horizon of a perfectly rounded hill. Hermione came striding behind him.solemn and dismal was her mood, sad to say.  
  
"Hermione, what's wrong?" Harry asked in a tone of large concern.  
  
"I just don't feel too great today, Harry. My Potions paper only got a nine out of a ten.I'm contemplating suicide."  
  
"Aw, c'mon Hermione. Let's turn that frown upside down!" he cheerfully replied, giving her a playful slap on the butt.I mean to say back.really, I did.  
  
"I really don't feel like doing anything else. I've given up my measly attempt at success."  
  
"Oh Hermione, shoot for the moon! Besides, if you miss.at least you'll land among the stars."  
  
"Harry? Are you.feeling alright?"  
  
"Why yes Hermione. Absolutely spiffing. Thank you kindly."  
  
"Ron!" Hermione screamed into the empty void of country side for her friend's aide, when something inside her clicked.  
  
"Harry? Where are we?"  
  
"Why Hermione, you silly girl, it's about time you noticed!" he grinned in an overly-exhausting sort of perky way that makes you want to vomit up blood.  
  
"Well?" She asked gently, not wanting to disrupt her already emotional unbalanced comrade.  
  
"Why, we happen to be in a universe parallel to our existence at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. All things done in this parallel universe mean absolutely nothing. Of course, they [i]could [/i] mean something. But the question is.what?"  
  
***  
  
  
  
Imagine if you will at this particular moment that you are in a world of constant stream of consciousness where everything blends together and its absolutely spiffing gawd why don't they stop gripping about who gets the keyboard CYGDHGDHDTFDRSRTFCHB YFC WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO DO THE LIL FWAP THINIGI ON THE GUITAR, and I as looking forward to writing about the old man and the bee thing again its sad really what the human mind is reduced too after 3 or four cream sodas at the corresponding time of night funny things fireflies, I mean what is with that whole glow thing wait I don't want to know because it will be some long complicated scientific explanation- like my dad but the psychiatrist told me not to talk about that (odd dyeing guitar noises) anyways about eh old man and the bee  
  
As the olde mann contemptplated his future he realysed he hade beene randomly cut to a lovely scene of the middyl ages of yore.."oh well" , he thought- it's better than mye dusty Mexican vilyage" but then the Old man noticed that the bee of hye aclayme had dissapyered .daym flye.ilyll get the bastaryd yet..  
  
Shifting about to the random stream o' conscious ness.I just realized that funnel cake and coffee would taste good tighter. but then again ive never had coffee and funnel cake together so I wouldn't know and then im really confused because people invite me to junk and so I just wander over the town and people go and tell me where to go but then I just get confused and wander he hee hee elvish is fun.lambaste beth nein..NIRO ILIM NIRO LIM NIRO LIM ASFOLATH NIRO LIM I wish I could ride a pony ponies are nice the only time I rode a horse it didn't count because it was at girl scout camp and how my girl scout troop hated me and to this day I have no idea now whart is that annoying sound I mean isn't that clicky noise you get from typing on the keyboard annoying I guess that's a fact of life wow that's something that UNUSUALK.HEARING YOUR BEST FRIEND SAD MAN WHAT WAS I SMOKING that's always a bad thing at least its better than the damn musical music I have stuck in my head ' wouldn't it be loverly" is nice but it gets wearing after a few years I think ill go and shoot at geckos in the garage with my crude bow but then again that would be mean and I cant hit the broad side of a barn but im working at it in my spare time what little spare time I get from having to write about the old man and the bee  
  
DRAMATIC PAUSE- ACCENT BY RANDOM GUITAR STRUMMING..  
  
Oh how I loath pop music with a great and fiery hatred.....  
  
The olde mann decyded to tayke a walyke bye the shore of a rayndom crystalyn blue layke that hayppened to be within walyking distance.to pondyr the fayte of thye bee. and whye thye hyuman rayce had stooped tou dyciover the coloyre of cafeyteria nacho chyees oranyge.  
  
***  
  
Ron suddenly made himself materialize out of thin air, so it seemed. (May I add that the thin air was quite clean and good smelling.). *Discord of random guitar notes* No, he did not apparate.he just made it so people KNEW he was around. He had, in all honesty just become visible.he had stolen Harry's invisibility cloak in the night and was not planning to return it any time soon.  
  
Anyways, Hermione threw herself at Ron. No, she doesn't like him like [i]that[/i], it's just that she would rather throw herself at Ron than Harry. And considering Harry's unstable state of mind.I would choose the same.  
  
Well, that's when Snape came up. He made some very vulgar and crude suggestions to Hermione, who turned him into a bat (Don't ask me what got into her, that 9/10 really sent her over the edge..)  
  
Seeing that she had just turned her potions master into a bat, she could not decide whether to celebrate that he was finally gone, or to break down into uncontrollable sobs out of lament for her soon-to-be-expelled arse. She chose the latter. Who cares if Snape was a bat? Dumbledore was going to turn him back after he expelled her.  
  
KILL ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sorry, that was kind of random.long story.involves very scary things.  
  
Anyways, that was when Dumbledore appeared out of thin air. [i]He[/i] apparated. He's allowed to, and this is the universe parallel to Hogwarts. (If you've ever read A Parallel Hogwarts History, you'd know that apparation and disapparation were possible.)  
  
***  
  
Well now this is the first time they let me write and there is DR. Pepper in my blood. So right now I'm in rage, I don't know why I'm in rage I just am. So I am going to go to my nice quite place. So now I'm in my happy place, which is a nice quite beach. The sun is shining bright, the air taste like salt. You can hear the waves off in the distance. Now the sun is setting, and now I'm out of my happy place. Now I'm going to use this time to tell every thing that I think of everyone in this room. To my right is Susan, some one who should really be on this site. Then again is a great writer in elfish. Then there is Nikole who is a dedicated author and really, really drunk off cream soda right now, who has been probably been smoking something . Then there is me PrincessGoneBad who wrote a story nobody reviewed. Well that's all for now .The Princess has spoken.  
  
***  
  
The T.V. was buzzing. God how I hate that friggin buzz. It drives me up the wall. Of course, if I put my foot through the T.V., which I would dearly like to do right now, my dad would send me straight to hell.  
  
You know, hell is actually quite a nice place once you get used to it, and kind of know your way around. I know, tell me that Satan is bad. But he is great at five-card draw. (Poker for you.people.) And Russian Roulette.And now I am going to go. Fare-thee-well. Fare-thee-well. Adieu, adieu, adieu.  
  
  
  
A/N: Was that crap, or was that [i]crap[/i]?! (There is a difference.one is italicized.duh.) Well that was another grotesque production of high people with access to loads of cream soda, Dr. Pepper, and other late night junk food items that responsible adults would not have let us get near.hehehehe. Gotta love that cold pizza. Until the next Tolkien-Fest.adieu.adieu.and good-bye. Which, by-the-way, is adieu.in English. 


End file.
